I miss writing. I miss challenging myself and others to think about the world differently — more openly. I haven’t written since April and though I probably didn’t realize it then, I walked away from the blog because everything else in my life was turned upside down.
On April 24th, 2013 I lost my best friend, my biggest cheerleader, and my #1 support. My mom lost her year long battle to cancer but she put up a damn good fight. My life since her passing has been nothing short of chaotic, emotional, difficult, and yet inspiring. I’m still “dealing with” her death. Heck, I’m not sure I’ve fully “dealt with it” or come to terms with it — does anyone ever fully come to terms with losing a parent or a loved one? A large part of me has repressed it and put on a smile to face the world despite the ache in my heart. I push a lot of the grief down and opt “not to deal with it,” I suppose. I drown myself in work and hide behind the professional person I have to be 50-60 hours a week.
Which is interesting because I started this blog to write about things society, the media, politicians, etc. were choosing not to deal with. Rape is plaguing our country, but we choose to ignore it as seen by low convictions for rapists and pervasive victim blaming on college campuses and in the U.S. military. Women are still second class citizens in the United States — home of the free — which was built on values of equality. Our government representatives can’t be in the same room with each other without filibustering, bickering, and delaying change. Instead, our government chooses “not to deal with it,” and instead shut down. Or perhaps, that is how they dealt with it.
My point is: Life gets tough. Life doesn’t slow down when it turns upside down. Life is full of opportunity and it is bleeding with desperation for change makers, peace keepers, and heroes. I am going to “deal with” my mother’s death for the rest of my life but I cannot and should not let that stop me from living my life. Indeed, my mom always pushed me to live life, enjoy life, and be the person I want to be on my own terms.
It took 7 months — but these are my terms. I am back and ready to do what I love: write, argue, challenge, and inspire. Life is too short to stay silent. So deal with it.