AFFLUENZA?!

Dear Ethan Couch,

I do not know you. I do not know your family. I have no idea what your upbringing was like. All I know is what the news tells me and that is that you were only sentenced to 10 years probation for killing 4 people while driving under the influence (.024 — 3x the legal limit for people 21+, you’re 16). You received such a minimal and abysmal sentence because the criminal justice system accepted a defense of “affluenza,” claiming that you were brought up in a wealthy family of privilege and your parents never taught you consequences, right from wrong, how to go through life with limits.

I don’t know the 4 people who you killed and perhaps you don’t really either. What I do know is that the 4 people whom you killed were on their way to help their wife/mother/parishioner with a flat tire when your truck sped through the intersection and ran them over. I also know that a couple of your friends were severely injured too while riding in the back of your pick up.

You see, Ethan, America knows very little about what happened that day, the day before, and quite frankly the 16 years of your life leading up to that day. You and your family are the only ones who can recall that history, recount those moments. You’ll have to relive the moments of that day for the rest of your life. I imagine Eric Boyles’, whose wife and daughter you killed, words of grief, anger, and frustration describing the moments of learning of his loved one’s death up through hearing your very short and unexpected sentencing will haunt you every day for the rest of your life. Or will they? I guess I don’t know that either. I can only hope.

Just as America and the world, for that matter, don’t know anything about you, your family, or that day — the criminal justice system does not either. The psychologist who testified that you suffer from “affluenza” does not truly know you, your family, or your life story either. But the criminal justice system prevailed and led to an incomprehensible outcome. The criminal justice taught kids just like you that if mommy and dad didn’t “bring them up right” and they were wealthy, they could live that reckless life that so many teens long for because it sounds so cool, right Ethan?

Now, I do think there is truth to the idea that your upbringing has impacted the way you act and view life. We are all shaped by our environments. Put simply: nature vs. nuture. Your parents not setting limits and not taking the time to teach you responsibility and accountability probably did lead you to steal beer, drink heavily, and then get behind the wheel of the truck. Also, your privilege is certainly impacting how you are perceiving the events of your life since that June day when you murdered 4 people.

But that is absolutely no excuse for the fact that your actions led to an crash that left 4 people dead and others injured. Your upbringing — the privilege, wealth, and free-life you’ve led — will not bring these four people back. Your parents failed you, Ethan and so did the criminal justice system. And I hope all that read that previous sentence understand I am not avoiding placing blame on, you, Ethan because at the end of the day, you’re 100% responsible.

I hope that you break free of the clench of privilege you have been caught in for 16 years. I hope you can come out from the cloak protecting you from responsibility and accountability. If that day comes when you break free and remove your cloak, I hope you understand everything I am saying in this letter — plea — to you. Because right now, you can’t understand it because you’re blinded by layers and layers of “protection” that have allowed you to do, say, and think whatever you want for the past 16 years.But Ethan, wealth and success are different than privilege. We cannot help the socioeconomic status we are brought up, but we can and should be in control of what we do with that privilege.

If you don’t break free soon, another tragedy will strike and you’ll, again, be to blame. Or perhaps your neighbor who may be near your age and in your socioeconomic status, will learn from your mistakes that he, too, can live recklessly with no consequences. And your entire class will begin to cause tragedy with no consequences, only deep and endless grief caused to others.

The last paragraph sums up the path that your sentence placed “privileged America” on. A pathway to wealth-driven excuses allowing those who are privileged to glide through life seemingly carefree. Today, you may feel as though you’re “punishment” and diagnosis of “affluenza” are fair and accurate. I hope with every fiber of my being you wake up one day and understand how horribly wrong and unfair 10 years of probation for killing 4 while driving under the influence while under the legal age to drink was. Just say it over and over again to yourself, Ethan: “10 years of probation for killing 4 while driving under the influence while under the legal age to drink.” Think about that while you grow up, go to college, pursue your dreams. Think about the 4 whom you murdered who can’t grow up, pursue their dreams, and try to be successful.

The day you wake up and realize this, you can genuinely call yourself privileged.

Sincerely,

A disheartened citizen.

 

 

 

Wanted: Empathy & Compassion for All

I read/saw three things today that set off a combination of rage, sadness, and confusion from within me. Let me give you an overview of what I read/saw and then I will provide insight to my competing emotions around these events.

This morning, while eating breakfast, we had CNN on in the background. They were discussing a video that has gone viral. The video depicts a young girl beating another young girl. CNN’s discussion revolved around the girl holding the camera and questioned whether she will have charges brought against her. The conversation also began to acknowledge how awful it was that the video was going viral, being uploaded to sites all over the web. CNN even quoted the victim’s mother stating that every time the video is uploaded or viewed, her daughter is being re victimized. And yet, CNN found themselves “above” the hundreds of thousands who have viewed this video on the web as it quickly was uploaded to numerous popular websites. They proceeded to show the video before referring to a legal expert who would shed light on the girl holding the video camera. I refuse to link to this story in attempts to avoid perpetuating the viral video and re-victimizing the girl who was beaten.

Somehow, I managed to keep CNN on (muting it as they continued to cover the horrific story explained above). The coverage then switched to discuss how Republicans are receiving training on how to talk to women and gain women voters. A montage of clips was shown to demonstrate the need for this. Women “shutting that whole thing down” during rape; rape and pregnancy from rape being “all apart of God’s plan“; binders full of women. Eric Cantor, the House Majority Leader, was asked by CNN if he thought the GOP was good at talking to women. First, he responded with something along the lines of “we have a lot of great Republican leaders who are women,” (19 in the House out of 232, to be exact), and the CNN reporter interupted him, repeating the question: “Are you good at talking to women?” He quickly changed his response to “bring it home” to his daughter, a senior in college, saying:

“She’s off now thinking about her next step in life, what kind of career or job opportunities  are available for her,” he said. “Well, I don’t believe that racking up trillions of dollars of additional deficit and debt are a good thing for her because, ultimately, what that does is it mortgages her future.”

Perhaps this deceived some as a genuine answer showing respect and acknowledgement of women in his life. But CNN went on to report on the training the GOP is receiving.

“First and foremost what we tell them to do (is) talk about yourself as a husband and a father,” this source told CNN, adding, “After that we urge a blanket statement about rape is abhorrent: ‘Anyone who is charged with this offense should be fully prosecuted, and as a husband and father I am outraged.'”

Lastly, Rick Santorum is spewing ignorance and outrageous comments yet again. Did you know that Nelson Mandela’s fight against injustice throughout this lifetime mirrors the Republican party’s quest to stop Obamacare? I can’t say much more “objectively” about what I read. Read for yourself.

Within approximately 3 hours, I was faced with these three events. My rage, sadness, and confusion have led me to recognize that producers of CNN, the GOP, and Rick Santorum, all lack empathy and compassion. They lack the ability to relate to human beings. To place themselves in another’s shoes and try to understand his/her experiences, feelings, or thoughts. When I try to put myself in Rick Santorum’s shoes, my sadness prevails. I become sad that he views the world in such a narrow, priviledged, short-sighted manner. I am sad that no one taught him compassion or the importance of empathy in making relationships and being successful. When I try to put myself in CNN’s shoes and try to consider their rational for showing the video of a young girl being beaten on national TV, my rage prevails. CNN is made up of intelligent, educated, and well-informed individuals. Sure, I don’t agree with all of their view point. But they know right from wrong and should have the common sense to not show a video that they are subsequently arguing is re-victimizing the victim and discussing how abhorrent it is that it’s gone viral. Shame on you, CNN. When I listen to the GOP discuss how they need to get better at talking to women and learn to be sensitive to women, my confusion prevails. Having to train a room full of men who hold a lot of power in the United States government on how to talk about women, how to be sensitive to things like rape and abortion, and how to relate women’s issues to the women they love in their lives boggles my mind. It is so disingenuous and condescending. It is ridiculous to know that men representing this country need a lesson on talking to women. When the idea came about to offer this training, I am confused why someone did not say “perhaps we get rid of everyone who requires this training because quite frankly, ya shouldn’t be in a leadership position if you need it.” Cantor wasn’t being genuine about his daughter’s experiences relating to policies the GOP proposes, he was just regurgitating a line he was fed during a training on how to talk about women. I am sure he loves his daughter very much, but due to him and his party’s lack of empathy and compassion, he had to exploit her and her future for the benefit of “gaining women voters.”

I am unsure where we lost compassion and empathy along the way. I think it is tucked away behind Facebook statuses, Instant Messages, and text messages. It’s blurred by the constant access to information about bad things in the world. It’s lost in desensitization and normalization of violence, discrimination, and inequality. I am desperate to recover it and instill it in everyone’s being. But where do we begin?

 

Fire in North Chicago sheds light on American’s views of “illegals”

A fire broke out in a strip mall in West Rogers Park in Chicago on Friday. After investigation, it has been said that the fire was started by a blow torch being used by roofers. The roofers allegedly left the scene and did not return once the fire broke out. An extremely unfortunate situation that put many in danger and led to vast destruction of local businesses. A mistake, indeed, to not stay at the scene of a fire if actions taken by the roofers were the cause (intentional or not). Certainly, we can all agree.

But what I can’t agree with are the comments that readers of articles covering this story were saying.

I’ll bet $1,000 they’re illegal immigrants and will never be found or come forward.- iuriggs6

 

I agree. My guess, and I think it’s a damn good one, they were indeed illegal aliens. Maybe they were hired to torch this place, maybe not. In any case they need to be tracked down like the mad dogs they are and arrested. -CamelPaw357

 

Those roofers are already back in Guadalajara by now…. – fefifo2466

In my last post, I discussed the idea of viewing through particularities and not generalities. The readers (which by the way, these comments were on an article written by the Huffington Post) of this story demonstrated that they view the world through generalities. No where in the news story does it mention the race of the roofing crew that were working on the American Matress Store. Readers jumped to his extremely racist conclusion. Even so, if the roofers are Mexican, readers also jumped to the conclusion that they are “illegal” and deserve to be arrested. I find it both fascinating and sad how quickly Americans jump to judgmental conclusions regarding  scenario they, quite frankly, know nothing about.

In a country where we are battling immigration reform, Americans are so incredibly misinformed about the reality of immigrants in this country. Sweeping numbers — 11 million illegal aliens — are often cited when talking about immigration reform. Through media representation of this issue and commentary by readers, immigrants (illegal or not) are quickly categorized as undeserving, lazy, and criminal. But what Americans refuse to admit is that these “illegal aliens” are taking jobs American’s do not want. A large majority of Mexican immigrants in this country are working the fields growing, picking, harvesting, and distributing food to dinner tables across America. Indeed, slavery in America never ended, it just shifted to a different race. Many immigrants are working in the back of restaurants ensuring your meal is brought to you fresh, warm, and on clean dishes.  Many of these workers are struggling to support their families because our welfare system is built to only support those who aren’t working. For those that are, their benefits are cut and still their wages are not enough to feed their families.

The readers who made these ignorant, offensive comments likely won’t give up the food they eat, the clothes they wear, or the products they use because they were made by “illegals” — because of course, these readers are far more deserving of life’s necessities than these workers, right? Give me a break.

Until readers of these sorts of articles can read it with a empathetic heart, a critical lens, and a moral compass that isn’t pointed only at the well-being of themselves, we are never going to achieve equality and humanity will never witness ultimate dignity and respect.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/15/chicago-strip-mall-fire_n_4284974.html

Ms. Gloria

A feminist is anyone who recognizes the equality and full humanity of women and men. – Gloria Steinem

I had the most amazing pleasure of meeting Gloria Steinem on Wednesday at an event to benefit the Chicago Alliance Against Sexual Exploitation and the Women’s Media Center (for which Gloria is a co-founder). As a feminist and an advocate for human rights, this was not only a dream come true but an inspirational moment that I will remember for the rest of my life. I will tell my daughter about it one day. I will share it with my granddaughters. I will remember the words of wisdom she dispelled on that night cold night in Chicago in a lovely family’s home amongst 125 women and girls.

It has taken me a few days to write this post because a) I was on travel for work and b) it’s taken me a little while to come down from cloud 9 and process everything she said. I’m still processing, but I am ready to share my thoughts and feelings around the night.

First, I have to mention that Gloria Steinem is so incredibly kind, genuine, and such a kindred spirit. When introduced to her, I expected to shake her hand, smile, pose for a picture, and be on my way so the other 124 women could get their photo opp. But instead, she shook my hand, asked what I did, looked me in the eye, smiled, and then told me I was an inspiration. Yes, Gloria Steinem said I was an inspiration. I just about died. I know what you’re thinking — she probably says that to all the young women she meets. And you’re probably right, I am sure she said it so several of the women and girls she met throughout her 3-part event on Wednesday. But what matters is the genuine way in which she said it. The thing about Gloria is she truly does find inspiration in young women and girls who are using their voices, speaking out, impacting change, and pushing forward.

I got my photo and had a permanent smile plastered across my face for the rest of the evening… heck, the rest of the week.

And then, we were all hushed and began to gather in the living room for Gloria to share her words of courage and wisdom with us. The coolest part was that there were 25 or so 13-17 year old girls who were invited to have a small “fire side” chat with Gloria. I will say with 100% honesty, I’m not sure what was more inspiring: Gloria or the young group of girls. The poise and intelligence these girls demonstrated was fantastic. They asked questions like “How can we utilize all of the political capital that women and girls have?” and “How can we make sure these conversations are not being led by just white women but rather a diverse group of women.” I remember looking at my friend and saying “Gosh, I was not even thinking about these things at 15, 16 years old. Heck, I’m not saying “political capital” now.” It truly was amazing to watch the conversation unfold with Gloria Steinem, the mother of feminism, a hero who paved the way for women and girls, and a group of our future. It was refreshing. Inspirational. and brilliant.

Gloria said something that truly struck me even though it seems so simple and common sensical. She said something to the effect of “we shouldn’t focus on generalities but instead particularities.” So many arguments are made in sweeping manners. “Everyone on welfare is lazy,” “feminists are man-haters.” These are the arguments and the radical points that attempt to silence the rational thinking of complex issues facing society. Generalities are isolating, suffocating, and can be ignorant. Instead, we must focus on the particularities. The “Why’s” and the “whats” It’s unpacking an issue and not seeing it face value. I also think this can be related to how we view ourselves, our goals, our passions, our dreams. My mentor, Rebecca Sive once said to me “It’s not about how big the dream is, but how possible.” Sometimes we think if we aren’t on the path to being the next Gloria Steinem, then what’s the point. But there is so much we can be doing to achieve our dreams.

Which leads me to a conversation I had last night while speaking at a panel on human trafficking for the World Affairs Counsel in Jacksonville, IL. At a pre-panel dinner, an older gentleman in his late 60’s early 70’s looked at myself and two students who were also at the table and said, “What’s wrong with the world and how are you going to fix it?” We chuckled and looked at each other wondering who was going to answer that loaded question at which point the gentleman followed up and said, “No but seriously. My generation, we were angry. Really angry. And we marched. But yours, I don’t think you’re angry.” I smiled and said “Oh don’t worry, we are angry. It just looks different. You had your voice and your feet, we have our voice and technology. We use social media to express our anger. We write letters to representatives. We create documentaries and videos.”

And then after the panel discussion on human trafficking, an audience member asked “well what can we do?” I knew exactly what to say and who to quote. I said:

Organize. It sounds simple. But look around, there are 120 people in this auditorium. If you organized and told others about this issue, it could be extremely powerful and impact change. The way Gloria Steinem organized perhaps looks different than how you and I might because of the tools we have available today. But make a Facebook status, Tweet this event, write a blog article. Do it together. Do what you’re not supposed to. Challenge yourself and others to think creatively about how to combat human trafficking.

I believe we will all look back on our lives when we’re older and remember a few moments and a few people. I know that when I look back, my moment will be in the living room and a person I will remember is Ms. Gloria.

Every Day Heroes

In case you haven’t checked your Facebook newsfeed today, it’s Veteran’s Day.

A day set aside in pure remembrance and recognition of the men and women who sacrifice more than I can ever imagine to fight for our country’s freedom. It is no small feat. It’s no small day. And I, indeed, tip my hat off to soldiers past and present. But I’m not going to write a full blog post sharing my admiration, gratitude, or support for our troops. I do want to preface with the fact that I do in fact support our country’s military.

And because of that, I think it’s crucial to continue the conversation about how to improve the rapport within the military, the safety of our soldier’s, and the transition back into “mainstream” life on our own soil. Because despite the outpouring of support for soldiers today — we can’t give ourselves a pass for the 364 other days in the year.

Sexual assault

A report was just released unveiling shocking numbers that reported sexual assaults in the military increased by 50% from last year. 50 percent. These are stats being spewed by a women’s group, by a rape crisis center, by “radical feminists” as they’ve been called. These numbers come straight from the horses mouth: the Department of Defense.

The numbers are high — really high. Over the past few years, the military has been a target in the media as reports of sexual assault were brought to light. The documentary, Invisible War, brought a lot of much needed attention to the issue. It called out the military and specifically leaders within the U.S. military who had essentially turned a check, high-fived the perpetrators with a promotion, and went about their way moving up the chain of command. It is this blunt discussion that perhaps has led to more victims coming forward. Although Major General Gary Patton predicts this means more healthcare and treatment for victims, I am skeptical. The stories you read about or see on Kirby DIck’s compelling and devastating documentary tell a different story. Even when victims do come forward, the services, respect, and justice are not reciprocated.

I want to have faith that the pressure on DoD and the U.S. military to do better will protect victims, prosecute perpetrators, and ultimately eliminate sexual violence among the heroes we honor today. . . but I struggle. I think we need harsher laws, stricter punishments, more committed leaders who are willing to protect the men and women they lead instead of hiding behind their badges of honor. We aren’t free if the soldiers who fight for our country can’t freely do so without the fear of being assaulted while on active duty.

So even though we stand behind our troops, we honor them, we respect them. We can’t ignore the violence some of them inflict just because they’re “our heroes.” Just like we cannot and should not ignore rape when a football player is the assailant, a local respected community member, or a pastor. The role we play professionally does not get to negate the actions we take.

 

 

Deal with it.

I miss writing. I miss challenging myself and others to think about the world differently — more openly. I haven’t written since April and though I probably didn’t realize it then, I walked away from the blog because everything else in my life was turned upside down.

On April 24th, 2013 I lost my best friend, my biggest cheerleader, and my #1 support. My mom lost her year long battle to cancer but she put up a damn good fight. My life since her passing has been nothing short of chaotic, emotional, difficult, and yet inspiring. I’m still “dealing with” her death. Heck, I’m not sure I’ve fully “dealt with it” or come to terms with it — does anyone ever fully come to terms with losing a parent or a loved one? A large part of me has repressed it and put on a smile to face the world despite the ache in my heart. I push a lot of the grief down and opt “not to deal with it,” I suppose. I drown myself in work and hide behind the professional person I have to be 50-60 hours a week.

Which is interesting because I started this blog to write about things society, the media, politicians, etc. were choosing not to deal with. Rape is plaguing our country, but we choose to ignore it as seen by low convictions for rapists and pervasive victim blaming on college campuses and in the U.S. military. Women are still second class citizens in the United States — home of the free — which was built on values of equality. Our government representatives can’t be in the same room with each other without filibustering, bickering, and delaying change. Instead, our government chooses “not to deal with it,” and instead shut down. Or perhaps, that is how they dealt with it.

My point is: Life gets tough. Life doesn’t slow down when it turns upside down. Life is full of opportunity and it is bleeding with desperation for change makers, peace keepers, and heroes. I am going to “deal with” my mother’s death for the rest of my life but I cannot and should not let that stop me from living my life. Indeed, my mom always pushed me to live life, enjoy life, and be the person I want to be on my own terms.

It took 7 months — but these are my terms. I am back and ready to do what I love: write, argue, challenge, and inspire. Life is too short to stay silent. So deal with it.

Ending Violence Against Women

Two Steubenville teenagers were convicted of sexually assaulting a teen while at a high school party. The town of Torrington, Connecticut is torn about a statutory rape cases among 2 18 year old football players. A young girl is gang raped and murdered in India. Another female soldier speaks out against sexual violence she endured while on active duty.

These are headlines we see every day and most of America skims over it. These are the media-worthy cases, if you will. Just like gang violence and murders on the South and West sides of Chicago are not reported every day, the scope of violence against women remains incredibly invisible to the average person in the U.S. It’s boggling that an issue that directly impacts 1 and 4 women and 1 and 6 men is still remaining invisible. It’s disheartening that America skims over this news and longs for the latest wins/losses for March Madness.

Violence against women is an epidemic in this country and every single one of us should be standing up against it. I had the incredible opportunity to sit among some of the top leaders of the anti-violence against women movement in Chicago (and beyond) tonight and discuss where the movement currently is, it’s successes, it’s challenges, where we would like to see it go. This conversation was ignited by two amazingly inspirational women in Chicago who are part of the NoVo Foundation’s 2nd cohort for the Move to End Violence.

The overall goal off the Move to End Violence is “to foster a transformation in global society from a culture of domination and exploitation to one of equality and partnership.” One of the takeaways from tonight’s discuss that resonated the most from me is that we can not and should not solely focus on the women and girls who have and are experiencing violence. Indeed, these women and girls are critical to the movement as their stories can be powerful and inspiring for themselves as well as the community. Indeed, we must look at who is being victimized as we try to understand violence. But that’s just it, we have to strive to understand violence in order to prevent it and eliminate it. We have to look to the deep root causes of violence against women including poverty, poor education, patriarchy, inequality, lack of opportunity. We have to articulate what the paradigm shift will be and we cannot do anything but sprint toward it.

We. We. We. Ending violence against women should not only be on the agenda of men and women who are fighting this battle every day. Ending violence against women should not only be addressed by rape crisis centers, domestic violence shelters, and anti-trafficking programs. Carrying out social change cannot be sustained solely by the activists in the movement today nor should it. The us vs. them that has compartmentalized this movement directly contradicts the principals driving the movement to end violence against women. That is equality, co-existence  — interconnectedness. We cannot end violence if we have an us vs. them mentality or structure because it is absurd to believe our world has to exist as such. If we believe that, then we belief that violence against women is inherent to humanity and will always exist. Social workers, advocates, activists, attorneys — these are not the only people we need at the table. Every one has a mother, sister, aunt, grandmother. Everyone has a stake in this and everyone should be outraged by the epidemic that is violence against women.

It is time we stop reacting and start being proactive. It is time we sit at the table with policy makers, law enforcement, social workers, corporate America,  small business owners, scientists, engineers, English teachers, the media, attorneys, activists, advocates, etc. It is time we truly embody “we” in the movement to providing a universally safe and healthy environment for women and girls to thrive.

Lose Lose Situation

For some, Sheryl Sandberg has “hijacked feminism” and added “controversial author” to her list of esteemed accomplishments — right below COO of Facebook. All because she wrote Lean In, a book about her journey to the top as not just a woman but a business woman, a Harvard graduate, a mother, and a wife. As a woman in positions traditionally held by men, Sandberg has been criticized, insulted, judged, and degraded throughout her career. So the heat she has received in the media ever since her book was released (and prior as well) likely doesn’t sting all that much. Regardless, she’s received some pretty serious pushback in the media, particularly among those who proudly claim to be feminists and demand that Sandberg step down from espousing feminism and gender equality.

I originally heard about Sandberg and her book all in one article that was criticizing her for well, writing the book in the first place. It questioned her motives and referred to has as an elitist on a marketing campaign not striving to change the world. I remember thinking, “hm, I need to read this book because I love to read things that challenge me and make me furious all at the same time.” That’s what this article made me think the book would evoke. So I broke down and bought it a few days ago and I have been taking the bus instead of the train to lengthen my commute, guarantee me a seat, and allow me to dive into the thoughts, values, beliefs, and experiences of a very successful woman. Maureen Dowd is scoffing so loud right now.

No but seriously, the critics of Sandberg need to take a step back and realize that your arguments are not founded in much of anything. Yes, Sheryl Sandberg is a white, affluent, successful, and nonetheless powerful woman. Yes, she got to go to college and then graduate school at Harvard Business School. Yes, she has worked for the Treasury Department, Google, and Facebook. Yep, you’re right, she is an elite and she doesn’t speak to women, especially women of color, who are living in poverty. Because you’re right, her principles, lessons, and experiences doesn’t reflect the power women of color in this country. These are all things she acknowledges and admits in the first few pages of her book. She did not write for an audience of underprivledged women and girls. She wrote for women who would read her book and for men and institutions contributing to the gender gap. It is these people who can, should and will implement change and open doors for poor women living in poverty

Not everyone who writes about gender, equality, and feminism has to be writing about or on behalf of poor women of color. And quite frankly, it’s disrespectful to think so. Plus, if Sandberg had written her book out of outrage for the fact that her experiences and success are so far out of reach of poor women of color, people would be criticizing her just as much saying “She’s just some rich white woman trying to speak to the realities of people from which she is so far removed.”

Even so, Sandberg led her introduction with the devastating statistics regarding women in this country as well as around the globe and how unequal we truly are. She did not focus each chapter on this devastation nor did she drench her pages in history and the women’s movement towards liberation. That wasn’t the purpose of her book and we should not discount what she does have to say based on what some people think should have been said. She states, right off the bat, “I am writing it for any woman who wants to increase her chances of making it to the top of her field or pursue any goal vigorously.” She recognizes also that “the vast majority of women are struggling to make ends meet and take care of their families,” and that “parts of this book will be most relevant to women fortunate enough to have choices about how much and when and where to work.” You see, she countered all of the anticipated push back in the first few pages of her book. She was not trying to come off as some hero to the less fortunate women in the world.

Although her advice and lessons learned were born out of prestige, excellence, affluence, and privilege, they can be equally applied to the mother that is working double shifts or two to three jobs to take care of their families.Building up confidence, speaking even when we are not asked to, and leaning in instead of sitting back are ways all women can better their lives. Yes, it’s easier said than done, especially for those living in poverty. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t say it, discuss it, and empower women who most would think don’t stand a chance to reclaim their voice and lean in rather than be silenced.

Certainly, Sandberg is right when she writes, “Conditions for all women will improve when there are more women in leadership roles giving strong and powerful voice to their needs and concerns.” We all applaud and stand proud when we see the number of women graduating from college, entering the workforce, and being elected to public office. Yet when a COO of the most successful and well-known social media site tries to highlight the underpinnings of our excitement and pride, she’s shunned.

Sandberg isn’t blaming the victim nor is she letting the deep rooted causes and institutional patriarchy off the hook by placing tools into the hands of women. She didn’t write this book for women, she wrote it for both men and women. Many of Sandberg’s mentors were men due to the fact that they accepted her and valued her for her skills, mind, and leadership not because of her pencil skirt, high heels, and cleavage. They didn’t reduce her down to her gender, they listened to her. Indeed, the best leaders are the best listeners.

The critics — which should be noted are mostly women — are pushing back based on the same notions that Sandberg is trying to also push back on. She’s being hushed because she’s a (successful) woman and a mother. She is exactly what the feminist movement has strove for. Sandberg stopped waiting to be told what to do and what to say a long time ago.

Her lessons, advice, and feedback motivate me every day as I try to “make it” in this world. My peers, those criticizing her in the media, my colleagues — we are all women who are relatively successful and well-off in the grand scheme of things. As a social worker, I will espouse the principles and the ideals she writes about as I try to empower women who otherwise would not be given a chance. I will also take notes on how to be a strong, confident, and respected leader who is equally part of a team because it is through leadership and collaboration that we will make the world a better place.

 

The Gun Debate

Mental health. They are two words that are seemingly obvious in their meaning. They are constantly used in news articles, in the social service field, and amongst conversations with friends and family. This is because it is estimated that about 1 in 4 adults are living with a diagnosable mental health issue in any given year in the United States. This is a LARGE number. Now regardless of what your thoughts are on the DSM – the diagnosing manual used among mental health professionals – it is undeniable that the rates of mental health in this country are high and the services and resources available to this population are low. Perhaps in your daily life, personal or professional, you are not constantly speaking to or working with individuals who are living with mental health diagnoses. In this case, the issue is not as apparent or even relevant to some major decisions facing this country. Or perhaps you work with individuals who have a diagnosis and you operate under a strengths-based approach – as anyone working with the mental health population should – and you advocate that they are active, productive members of society and should be seen and treated as such. Or maybe you or someone you love is living with a mental health diagnosis and your life is a combination of strengths and challenges. These are all conflicting experiences that lead to a controversial debate regarding some of the largest problems facing our country.

 

Mental health is the leading cause of disability in this country, preventing people from adequate healthcare, sustainable jobs, and higher education. Mental health comes with a strong stigma attached. Crazy, demented, out of control, problematic, weird, etc. are all words I have heard when referring to someone with a mental health diagnosis. Of course if this is how our society largely views this population, those living with a diagnosis are not stepping forward asking for help. And for those that are brave enough to push back against the unwarranted stigma, they are faced with barriers to services due to limited resources and minimal capacity among service providers working with this population. Undiagnosed and/or untreated mental illness can be debilitating to the individual as well as to society.

 

We have seen this debilitation play out on the news with mass shootings: Columbine, Virginia Tech, the movie theatre in Aurora, and just recently the tragedy that struck an elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut. In each case, an expert or a family member/friend/neighbor came forward and noted the mental health diagnoses that the perpetrator had been coping with. In each case we were always left asking what services could have been provided had the perpetrator just reached out and asked or if the services were available in his area. This common factor among these shootings has led President Obama to announce today that he wants to increase background checks for individuals wishing to purchase a gun and add mental health criteria to the databases for these checks (among other provisions to decrease gun violence).

 

Since 20 children and 6 adults were killed in Newtown, America has been in a heated debate about what needs to be done regarding mass shootings. The NRA has been adamantly arguing to protect the right to bear arms on the notion that the only way to stop a bad person with a gun is with a good person with a gun. Anti-gun activists have been quoting research about the impact of strict gun laws and why our country is seeing so much violence with it. And our government has been treading lightly to mitigate these tensions while also pursuing a productive legislative response to this tragic issue. It has been nothing short of complicated. While these debates ensue, I have seen some of my colleagues and friends in the mental health profession questioning why the focus is on mental health. Their confusion comes from the concern that they work with so many individuals with mental health diagnoses who are not inflicting violence upon anyone. So they want to turn the conversation away from those living with mental illness.

 

I caution this diversion though. The mental health profession is absolutely right – the majority of people with mental illness are not shooting dozens of people on a whim. The majority of people with mental illness are not violent or combative. But that does not mean we cannot ignore the trend. I think about my profession working with violence against women. We know that the majority of rapists are men but that the majority of men don’t rape. That does not mean we just ignore the male population to try and solve rape. The problem won’t be solved if we don’t address men. We know that the majority of people in gangs are non-White but the majority of the non-White population is not in gangs. Again, we can’t solve gang violence if we address the White population; we must address the non-White community. Solutions must be targeted based on trends. This is why I 100% support President Obama’s decision to overturn the 15-year-old ban on the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) conducting research on gun violence. We must highlight the trends to inform our policies and actions to address this issue.

 

With all that being said, I think the proper precaution to take is not to solely focus on mental health. We need to dig deeper into the roots of violence – why are people inflicting violence, not just gun violence, at exponential rates in this country? Why are the majority of perpetrators male? We need to face our realities of the problems with gender, gender norms, and masculinity in our culture. We need to start genuinely trying to decrease poverty. We need to fix our educational system so that it is not fraught with corruption, poor academics, and burnt out teachers with no where to turn. We have so many issues to stare straight in the face if we want to get to the bottom of gun violence in this country. It doesn’t start with President Obama, the NRA, or mental health professionals. We all have our hand in the problem and we all need to cooperate to fix it.

The Nanny Diaries

As you may have read in my previous post, human trafficking is a human rights issue that I feel strongly about and devote my professional life to ending. Tomorrow is National Human Trafficking Awareness Day so a blog post is not only necessary but required (I have 3 events from morning to evening to attend so posting this would be impossible tomorrow).

When many people hear human trafficking they not only think of an issue happening overseas but one that is limited to the commercial sex industry. Rightfully so, they think of women being victimized. Indeed, roughly 98% of victims of sex trafficking are women and girls. But so often we overlook or even forget those who are being enslaved everyday in forced labor situations. This includes restaurant work, hotel work, construction and landscaping, agriculture, hair/nail salons, traveling sales crews, etc. The list goes on. The form of labor trafficking that I would like to focus on for this post is domestic workers — the nannies, caregivers, and housecleaners that make other work so possible in America.

Domestic work allows our country to be productive. Nannies come in to care for our children so we can go to work; caregivers take care of the elderly and disabled so we can go to work. Our homes our cleaned by someone else so we can spend more time at work, doing leisurely activities, and spending time with our family. Domestic workers are the backbone of America and yet they are so often taken for granted, overlooked, and exploited.

Women — who are traditionally the caregivers (ahh gender roles!) are entering the workforce exponentially today and policies are not keeping up to speed in terms of maternity leave, child care, elderly care and services for those with disabilities.Children are still in need of care, our elderly parents are still in need of monitoring and care, clothes need to be folded and dishes need to be cleaned after dinner is made. Right Romney?

These tasks are delegated to domestic workers, who are so often female and foreign-born. Domestic work is not included under labor laws and protections. Workers rarely enter into a contract. In a landmark study released by the National Alliance of Domestic Workers, over 2,000 domestic workers were surveyed and researchers found that of the few that did have some sort of employment agreement, all were missing key provisions of standard working conditions (fair pay, hours of work, conditions of work, etc). Also, 30% of those that did have some agreement reported that their employer broke at least one provision within the past 12 months. Who do they report this to? The Department of Labor? Right… because they (1) know what the DOL is as an immigrant (2) many are undocumented so they have a strong and real fear of deportation (85% did not complain about their working conditions because they were afraid they would be deported) (3) they are experiencing physical and emotional abuse that inflicts fear in them to report anything to anybody.

So many of these caregivers not only depend on their employers for income — as minimal as it may be — but they are often also living on the premise in which they are working. Therefore, they are dependent upon their employer for housing and food as well.

This problem is not just happening across the pond. It is not just happening in poor neighborhoods. It could be happening in the house next door or your boss may be taking advantage of a domestic worker. The woman picking out tomatoes at the grocery story with a young child in the carriage may be a trafficked domestic worker. We would never know if we didn’t look beneath the surface. Domestic work has been apart of American culture dating back to slavery and indentured servitude. It is normal and necessary in order for the “more advantaged” to live their lives and be successful. We hear that someone has a nanny, caregiver or a housecleaner and we never ask anything more. Name? Age? Story? I know I haven’t stopped to ask many people who tell me that they have a nanny or housecleaner who that person it is. Have you?

As a society, we have a lot of work to do and I encourage you all to start making steps that lead to strides in helping to protect and support domestic workers. I want to highlight one of the many great recommendations that the report from the National Alliance of Domestic Workers released:

We must create a more equitable economic environment for all low-wage workers. It is difficult to advocate for the rights of domestic workers in an economic and political environment in which the rights of low-wage workers more broadly are so badly frayed. An increase in the federal minimum wage, a strengthened safety net, paid sick and family leave, access to affordable medical care, and opportunities for career advancement for the low-wage workforce would be major steps
toward improving job quality and quality of life for domestic workers.The immigrant workforce would benefit dramatically from a pathway to citizenship. Public policies that raise standards across the low-wage labor market will positively influence the lives of domestic workers.

 

Domestic workers have rights and are entitled to the protections that you and I are granted every day in the work that we do. Stand up for those caring for: the next generation, the generation that worked so hard before us and those who cannot work due to disability. They are the backbone of America, we must support them in return.